Her Silence
by Loonyloops
Summary: What Zane thinks and feels when he proposes to Jo in the episode Founder's Day. A songfic inspired by the song Say Something.


**A/N I love the Pentatonix version of the song "Say Something" and I just had to write a sonfic for it. It took me a while to find the right 'verse to put it in, but once I did it was fun. This is my first songfic and also my first time venturing into the world of first person writing, so please be gentle.**

**Disclaimer: I only wish I owned either the song or the show.**

* * *

><p>Her Silence<p>

I have been waiting here for almost thirty minutes. This cot is hard, but I have been in here often enough I am almost used to it by now. I thought it would be romantic to propose here, like this. At the very least I figured Jo would get a kick out of it. After all, this cell is where I had some of my first conversations with her. I jump up the moment I hear the front door open, unable to harness all the restless energy. She is obviously confused when she sees me, but I can see that she is happy at the same time.

I cannot help but flirt a little when I see her smile. The lingerie box throws her off, just as I had hoped. The look on her face when she sees the ring box makes my heart skip a little, and not in a good way, but there is no turning back now. I walk out of the cell and get down on one knee. I have completely forgotten the entire speech I had planned. So I take a deep breath and just say the first thing that comes to mind. The whole time I am talking I hope the look on her face does not mean what I dread it does.

"Zane," she says my name like she is breaking bad news, and then she says nothing else.

In my head I am begging her to say something, anything. As much as I need hear her say yes, I will take a no over her silence. Her silence says she loves me, just not enough for forever. I thought she was my forever and I was hers. I thought she knew she was my one. I thought she loved me the way I love her, enough to ignore all the doubts. I thought nothing could come between us. I thought this would convince her that she is absolutely everything to me. I know I may not be good at loving someone but I have tried so hard with her. I guess I know nothing at all.

I can feel myself giving up on all my daydreams of the last half hour: the way she would kiss me after she said yes, the way she would look in her wedding dress, but mostly the mornings we would eat breakfast together before work. I was so scared, but I had had hope that she felt the same way I did. The first woman I even dared to dream about a future with, and she stands there staring silently at my grandmother's ring.

The fear is gone now, replaced with hurt and anger. I am mad that I ever thought this would be a good idea. I am angry that she refuses to give me an answer. I hurt so bad that she does not love me enough for a yes. I would have given her everything I had, and I am on my knees proving that to her. My heart is breaking in her silence. Now, from one heartbeat to the next I can feel the goodbye coming to my lips. I am not sure I can be near her without breaking into a million microscopic pieces, but the thought of leaving her hurts so much.

Of course Jack would walk in as the one that I love is ripping out my heart. He is so happy for us. He does not realize yet that he just walked in on my utter humiliation. I cannot bear to explain it to him. Maybe Jo will break her silence and enlighten him. I hold my breath as I walk past her, both to hold back the tears and to keep from smelling her shampoo. I will miss that smell, and that thought brings the tears even closer to the surface.

The street is full of people getting ready for the Founder's Day celebrations. They smile and they are friendly, already celebrating, but I look away and continue to hold my breath against my tears. I will not let them see anything other than Zane the Rebel. That is who they expect and anything else would invite questions. If I could not tell Jack I definitely cannot face coworkers and acquaintances. Besides, they do not need to know every detail of my life. All I can think about is getting home. There is a bottle of Jack waiting for me there.

Sitting on my porch I can hear all the commotion from Main Street. It irritates me to think about all the fun I had been planning to have today, so I take another drink straight out of the bottle. I have every intention of drinking until I pass out. Then, in the morning I plan on drinking away the inevitable hangover. That way I will not hear my heart begging her to say something. Then maybe I will forget the silence of her rejection. I am a good way through the bottle when my head starts to spin. Maybe it is the whiskey, but the world starts to shimmer like on a hot day. Well, this is Eureka. It could be some experiment gone wrong again. If it is I am not fixing it. If it is the whiskey I will just keep drinking until the world straightens out. Whichever it is maybe it will make this pain go away...


End file.
